Patri Chai

This is priceless... Received this in an email.

The Didi Diet

So our beloved Mamata-di has hit upon a new regimen thats guaranteed to produce a slimmer-trimmer you! The old Indian custom of "Anashan" comes to the rescue of the demands of new-age lifestyle. The new motto is - "JUST KEEP OFF YOUR FOOD". And do it in the full glare of the media, so that in your weak moments, when your soul just craves for a mouthful of food, the media can cry "No, no, no". Also to prove that she is not one of closed mind to the revolutions happening across the world, there is a dash of physical exercise in the regimen as well. Just stroll along to the nearest public building, heave ho some furniture and bring it crashing down. This will have a two -pronged advantage. It will build up your muscle tone, so essential for that ravishing bod, and also it will release your pent-up rage at not being able to hog those delicious stuff whose sweet memory haunt you all day long. Having let off a bit of steam thus, you can go back to your dreams of food and an empty stomach. Continue for $N^{1}$ days. After that,


"ALL HAIL THE BEAUTY QUEEN"


[1] : Where N is 14 and counting...

The Mystery of the Half-Plate Biryani

There are these string of roadside shops in Indiranagar that sell chicken biryani from huge dekchis. The biryani-s are of course of typically Chennai quality, implying they are a strange mix of Hyderabadi biryani mingled with local flavours (which means that some Chennaite, long ago, had gone to Hyderabad and tasted Biryani there, and having liked it somewhat decided that it might be actually made palatable by adding some local spices (hint of tamarind, anyone?). Anyhow thus started the Chennai biryani and it prospered and flourished in this land of idli-s. And just try telling someone that this is not really what Biryani is supposed to taste like and you will met with a long cold stare). Just in case this sounds exotic, a word of caution, try it only if your souls yearns for Biryani and you are ready to forget how real Calcutta biryani (maybe I should say Lucknowi Biryani, but forgive me my sins, Calcutta Biryani is the name that I call it by) tastes like in leau of the satisfiction of being able to say that "I had biryani tonight"!! (Which moments, if you have lived in Chennai for four years, as I have, does come uncotrollably once in a while.) However, it is not the quality or taste that is the mystery (although they could warrant a post by themselves), but rather the menu-card. The menu of all these shops reads:
1/2 Plate Biryani : Rs. 30
1/4 Plate Biryani : Rs. 18
The question is what happened to the full plate of Biryani? Did the stallkeepers get together in some meeting and decide that 1/2 a plate of this stuff is the maximum limit that can be allowed for safe consumption? But in this case they could simply have defined that as one plate and be done with it. Not to mention the fact that they would be saving the painting charges of the "/2" part (perhaps I should clarify that the menu is just painted in big lettering on the wall) and thus could feel pleased with themselves. But maybe there is some strict rule governing the quanta of 1 plate of biryani decreed in some holy edict, and since "Guru-r nished aache" is a strong enough reason for any action, it was sufficient for them to adhere to the straight and narrow path and forego the lure of the money they would have saved. After all what is the value of a "/2" in the face of eternal damnation?

P.S.:
[1] The proprietors of Shiraz/Royal and the like could do a roaring business if they opened shop here. And I don't even want any share of the profits for pointing out this golden business opportunity, just the chance to have real Biryani shall suffice.
[2] The Indiranagar biryanis actually have a point in their favour. They do not add curry leaves in their Biryani, which is enough to make one grateful for small mercies.
[3] As you can perhaps make out, I live in Chennai and am always on the lookout for decent Biryani joints, So if you know one and can point it out to me, you shall earn my everlasting gratitude. And I could also point you to the only shop that I know of that serves decent Calcutta Biryani (it's too far from where I stay for me to go regularly, alas), so its a win-win offer.

Cosmetic Surgery and My Fellowship

Surprising how "expensive" means different amounts for different people. Well, on second thoughts, maybe that wasn't the most earth shattering revelation you've heard, it's just that it struck me again when I was reading the Sunday Express this morning. The article talked about the various cosmetic improvements possible nowadays with new-age treatments and went on to describe a certain woman thus, {quote}In the last two years, the 54-year-old has spent Rs 50,000 on various skin treatments from botox to fillers to skin lifts {unquote}. And this is what her take on the issue was {quote} “Cost is a big factor for me,” says Bina. “I work for a living and simply can’t afford very expensive treatment.’’{unquote}. Shit I thought, now why can't I just spend 50,000 and say "Cost isn't a big factor for me", all in the same breath?? Not that I would spend it at the Kaya Skin Clinic, mind you (No Siree, you can bet that I have much better ways to spend my money) !! Surely, this government isn't paying its research scholars properly unless we can also make such carefree, glib assertions. So, if you are reading this Mr. Prime Minister, or whoever is supposed to be paying my fellowship, I would be most grateful if you would kindly look into the matter...

Maybe the poor woman was right, come to think of it. Looking at the costs further down in the article, maybe 50000 is actually peanuts. This is what the article says on costs, which {quote} vary from Rs 1,500 for microderm abrasion to Rs 10,000 for a hair transplant. Plastic surgery costs range from Rs 10,000 for liposuction to Rs 70,000 for calf implants. {unquote}.

Finally, as a parting sample of what is done, here's a description of the most common toe surgery, {quote}where the pinky is aligned with the other four {unquote} . Aligning your pinky, Oh heavens above !!!!!!!!!!

THE MAN WHO USES ONLY ONE NAME

Came across an interesting description of Shaan the other day, "THE MAN WHO USES ONLY ONE NAME !!!".
> "Song sequences do take away from the flow of the story. And nowadays, people don't have the patience to sit through an elaborate song," said Shaan, a leading Bollywood playback singer who uses only one name.

Reminds me of a film script:
"Jack Twist"
"Shaan"
"Your folks just stop at Shaan?"
"Del Mar"
"Nice to know you, Shaan Del Mar."

Here I Come...

Well, finally here I am, hopping onto the blogging bandwagon, decidedly late by years. However, that is more to be interpreted along the lines of being a signature of a former JU alumnus, who through the sheer force of talent and application, has mastered the greatest skill that the reputed university offers to its students, the art of "ল্যাদ" (lyad, n. : the art of coming in early at 12 pm for the 10:20 am class, and promptly disappearing into the canteen for a cup of tea to overcome the fatigue of a 15 min travel). In fact, now I wonder whether in fact I am a bit early in joining the train. Be that as it may, from now on you can prepare to be subjected to my take on any topic under the sun.